This interpersonal conflict happened during my 1st year in NUS.
I guess this so called "friendship" started during my first ever tutorial class in NUS. I didn’t know anyone from the class and my current pool of friends are quite limited. Therefore, prior to the class I told myself that I should make more friends. Hence, I entered the class and saw that there was only 1 girl in the room. I went forward and introduced myself to her. We sat together and chatted during the class (ok I was talking about work and the tutor, not random stuffs).
After tutorial we exchanged phone number, and we started talking. From the conversation I realised that she didn't know anyone in the same course as her, and she often sat alone. I told her that she could sit with me and my groups of friends if she didn't mind and she gladly accepted the offer. I introduced her to my friends, and we all sat together enjoying each other's company in lecture and tutorial. We became very close friends talking about nearly everything under the sun.
However, this lasted only up till the end of the semester. For the next semester, even though we still sat together, something was amiss; she no longer chatted and withdrew from me. I asked her why and she just replied: "nothing" for most of the time, and if I probed more, she would flare up and scold me. After a few months, she decided to go back to sitting alone. I didn't ask her why anymore as I feared that I would strain our relationship more.
Now, I no longer talk to her. I tried saying "hi" whenever I see her but she just ignores me. Up till now, I still have no idea what has happened, I can only think of a few possible causes.
One reason is that something may have happened in her family that caused her to withdraw. Another reason may be due to me being too close to her, she wasn't comfortable with it . The last reason that I can think of is that I have offended her in some ways without me knowing.
Right now, all I want is to keep this friendship, as she was the first new friend I know from NUS. Is there any way that I can keep this friendship? Is there a way that will help me to get her to open up? Also, right now I even have a problem trying to talk to her, can anything be done to solve this?
Ok, so it is the Chinese Lunar New Year, most chinese family will go visiting. It is at this time that many of us may only see some of our relatives for this very time and never see them again for the rest of the year. Even though we have not seen them for a very long time, everyone seems to be trying to get along especially at the mahjong table or gambling area. Why is that so? Is it due to the fact that gambling allows one to interact non-verbally just using simple gestures, such as the way they see cards, pick up tiles, their expressions ? Do we classify this as non-verbal communication?
What does effective communication really mean? When one search over the internet for the definition, more than 10 pages of results will be generated; so which of them is the correct definition of effective communication? I personally think that there is no correct definition. All of the definitions contain the essence of effective communication; that is the transmitting and exchanging of information between people or organizations in a clear and concise way, using both verbal and non-verbal methods. This is the general definition of effective communication that most people perceive, including me.
Why is developing effective communication important to me? Below are some of the reasons why I feel so.
For a decade, I was in a boy school (because it was catholic high school primary & secondary). Within the school there was not much avenues for me to open up and develop my communication skills. In addition, being overly sheltered by my father, I was not given much chance to develop my communication skills be it in school or at home (presentations in projects, phone call enquiries, etc).As such I was not able to open up to people properly and often felt uncomfotable when I am required to do any tasks that involves interaction and communication (side effect of poor communication skills?). It was only after I went to JC and NS, did I began to open up to others and learnt the importance of effective communication.I told myself:“Only when you are able to communicate effectively, then will life be smooth-sailing and successful.”
What does smooth-sailing and successful really mean to me?
In work or school, being able to communicate effectively will save you from a lot of troubles, be it from your fellow group mates, bosses or clients. In work or school, effective communication enables all available information to "flow" from one to another in a clear and complete manner; you would know everyone’s idea, what are their goals and expectations. Clients or even schoolmates will be able to understand what you are trying to bring across. This will not only make work progress smoother, and conflicts can be minimized and resolved more easily. Likewise, being able to communicate effectively allows one to have a clear "grip" on what is going on in your workplace or school projects. As quoted from the picture below, you would not be happy in your job if you do not have any ideas about what is going on at all. Hence, life will be more smooth-sailing, as conflicts are kept on check and work can get done at a faster and more efficient pace. Therefore, everyone should learn how to COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY!!!!
Effective communication helps in relationship with people too. When meeting new friends, simple gestures such as a handshake or a smile, make one feel closer to you, even if they have just met. In maintaining of friendship and interpersonal relationship, effective communication plays a very important role; being able to listen to your friend’s problems attentively and providing meaningful solutions is a form of effective communication too. Your friends will feel that they are being cared for and they will enjoy your presence. Likewise, to maintain a close relationship with your loved ones, effective communication is required. Talking and working out differences with each other when conflicts arise, showing non-verbal gestures such as a hug or a kiss tells each other that they are being loved. All these are effective communications that can help maintain a long and loving relationship with the ones you love.
Okay this is one of the most important reasons for me to develop my effective communication skill that is being SUCCESSFUL! There are many people that are successful as they have mastered the art of effective communication. Just take a look at the 44th American President Barack Obama, who is skilled at effective communication. No one would have thought that an African American will become the leader of a superpower nation United States of America, especially when he does not have much political experience. In the past, African Americans were regarded as people of lower society status and were segregated from the White Americans. One would ask how hehad achieved such a phenomenon feat? I would believe that he achieved it through effective communication. He was able to bring across his ideas, thoughts, and what he hopes for the nation to the people of America, in a clear and effective way. The way he talked to people, his actions made people believe that he was the one for America, the one to lead America out of her current crisis.
In conclusion, the reason behind me developing effective communication is very simple, that is to be successful and make life better for everyone around me. Cheers!!!
Last edited:
January 27th 2009 12:19 AM, Reason : To change sentence structure and make it more understandable =D ... happy CNY all
